Near life experience

7 Oct

Today at work I had a near-death experience. No, really.

Okay, well maybe not really.

But it was quite scary.


Death or Glory

Erm, the first one, please


Basically, I went to make a cup of tea in the kitchen, as you do. Came back to the office, put the milk in the fridge (the fridge being in the office, not the kitchen – just an idea of how logical the process are at work) and walked the challenging five metres to my desk.

So far, so good.

Then, without warning and before I could even sip my Earl Grey, I experienced what can only be described as a HEART ATTACK PAIN. In my actual HEART. I was unable to breathe or move because of the tight, stabby, death grip on my heart, chest and lungs. I was terrified. Trying to take short breaths (and failing to do so), I convinced myself that I’d be fine in a few seconds. But no. The pain continued. Obviously, you’d imagine that if you were unable to breathe and felt like you may shortly shuffle off this mortal coil, you’d make a bit of a fuss. Maybe ask for help. But instead, I was too embarrassed to say anything. How British! “No, no, really I’m fine. Dying, a little. But still, mustn’t grumble, don’t want to put anyone out.”


after you

No, really, I insist...


Convinced I was having a heart attack, I stood by my desk, ready to die in polite silence, until one of my colleagues noticed and made motions to save my life. Thankfully, my lovely team sprung into action, opening windows, fetching me water and instructing me to breathe. Finally, after a few moments, I began to feel better again and the agonising, tightening, stabbing pain in my chest subsided. My colleagues offered a variety of explanations on what it might have been, from a trapped nerve, to an anxiety attack, to indigestion. I have no idea, and I really hope it never happens again so I never need to find out what it was. I’ve been running quite a bit recently and I’m not that unhealthy, so I doubt very much (in retrospect) that  it was the afore-mentioned heart attack.

You’ll be pleased to learn that I have now made a full recovery, and have even managed to finish my cup of tea.

However, what I’ve learnt from this entire episode was this: I didn’t see the light at the end of a tunnel, I didn’t flash back through a slideshow of my life’s achievements, I didn’t think of how I wished I could spend one last moment with my nearest and dearest. What I did think, however, is this:

“I’m dying of a heart attack, aged 27, in the very unglamorous Bradford, in my very unglamorous office, for no real reason. How embarrassing“.

How embarrassing, indeed.

Maybe I ought to station myself somewhere more fabulous in future in case I should have a repeat episode…


12 Responses to “Near life experience”

  1. Ange October 7, 2010 at 3:01 pm #

    Oh Gems… at least be a bit more dramatic next time! Hope you’re ok sweets, take it easy for the next day or two xxx

  2. beatifnik October 7, 2010 at 3:44 pm #

    I’m totally fine now, thanks Ange! 🙂 xx

  3. Anna October 7, 2010 at 4:04 pm #

    And this, Gem, is why one must always wear clean knickers.

  4. beatifnik October 7, 2010 at 4:27 pm #

    Wise words indeed. I have well and truly been scared into wearing matching undies from this day forth.

  5. Vincent October 7, 2010 at 11:43 pm #

    Had us all going there G. Take it easy. x

  6. Steph. October 8, 2010 at 2:06 am #

    Hope you are Gems! I get heart issues occasionally and the boy is heavily regulating my salt intake which i think is helping – are you a salt fiend also? x x

    • beatifnik October 8, 2010 at 10:25 am #

      All good thanks lady! I am indeed a salt fiend, it’s my all time favourite flavour. Probably not the best thing ever, considering! xx

  7. Steph. October 8, 2010 at 2:07 am #

    I meant to say OK in my opening sentence obvs x x

  8. Mrs P October 8, 2010 at 6:17 am #

    Crikey critchers… nothing like a mini drama to pass your day! Have you seen a gp? If not why not? As well as matching clean pants make sure you have a contact in yr mobile called ’emergency’ 😉 love ya x

    • beatifnik October 8, 2010 at 10:25 am #

      I have indeed been to the docs, wise words as ever from Mrs P! xx


  1. #oneaday 2 – To move forward, we must first look back « Biography of a Beatific Beatnik - January 2, 2011

    […] Near life experience October 2010 10 comments 3 […]

  2. #oneaday 2 – To move forward, we must first look back « The One A Day Project - January 2, 2011

    […] Near life experience October 2010 10 comments 3 […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: